THE FERRIS WHEEL

– No, you don’t feel it. The wheel moves much too slowly for that.
– Moni, what’s actually going on with you? Why are you calling me so late and telling me not to visit? Is something wrong, do you need help?
Monika thought about it.
– If I needed help, I’d probably let you come, wouldn’t I?
– I actually doubt that. There’s something you’re not telling me. Have you…have you moved?
Monika had to laugh. She had not expected that. But it was such an elegant, crystal-clear solution to the problem – at least from her sister’s point of view – that it almost cheered her up.
– No, she said with a laugh, no, I haven’t moved. I’m still up here, that is, at the moment, I think, I’m pretty far down. But then it goes back up again, all day, all night. Up and down.
– Up and down, repeated her sister. Still, there’s something you’re not telling me.
– No, there’s not. I was just lying awake for a long time and thinking. That’s all.
– Hm. The boys will definitely be disappointed. It’s quite possible that they won’t want to visit you at all anymore. Because they’re insulted. You know how children can be.
Monika felt tears gathering in her eyes.
– Please, Elke, don’t do that.
– What?
– The guilt trip. I’ve just been going through withdrawal from guilt. I quit cold turkey, so to speak.
She couldn’t help thinking of a plucked turkey lying on a silver platter with its fat thighs pointing upward. Elke yawned close to the receiver, then she said:
– But it would be a lie if I told you that the two of them wouldn’t be disappointed. They were so looking forward to it. And to be honest, so was I. How long has it been since we last saw each other?
Monika had to think about it.
– You see? Said Elke. You have to think about it. Three. It’s been three years. Last week at some point it was, to the day, exactly…
– Three years, Monika completed the sentence.
– So? What’s the problem? Three years, that’s a long time. And tomorrow those three years could be over.
Monika bit her lip again. This time she didn’t notice it.
– But it’s not about that at all. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to see you. You don’t have to calculate for me how long we haven’t seen each other.
– Yes, I do, because you don’t even know anymore.
– My memory was never – , Monika began.
But then she didn’t go on. A very, very gentle jolt passed through her apartment. Someone had pressed the stop button, and in the middle of the night.
– I think I’m going to lie back down, she said. Sorry again that I woke you. I somehow have no sense of time.
– Wait, said Elke. Do you really not want us to come tomorrow? I mean, are you sure?
Monika thought about what else she could say. It seemed as if she had tried out all available sentences. There was none left that would have been appropriate.
– Don’t be mad, she said finally.
Elke didn’t reply. Then she cleared her throat and said:
– All right. If that’s what you want. Then I’ll pass that on. To the boys.
– Okay.
– Okay.
– Good night, Elke. I hope you can fall asleep again, after I –
– Don’t worry about me, Elke said, and hung up.