One Only Dies Once

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One Only Dies Once

– YOU’LL HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL YOURSELF… – Her voice was burdened by reproach; the laughter stopped. She made the significant pause to emphasize Her authority, and I mumbled something like I’m going to do my best to control myself.
– LETS BEGIN. YOUR RELIGION?
– Hmmm… – I remembered where I am, and for the first time in my life, or more accurate – after my life, I decided to think what I’m saying. Frankly, it wasn’t easy to me to do so. I noticed that Death started to patter.
– What’s going to happen if I say that I’m a Christian? – I offered.
– YOU WILL GO TO PARADISE OR HELL, THERE IS NO PURGATORY ANY MORE! IT WAS ABOLISHED RECENTLY BECAUSE IT WAS UNECONOMICAL. THE DETAILS DEPEND ON YOUR SUBGROUP, SECT OR DIRECTION.
– And if I say that I’m an atheist?
– YOU WILL VANISH AT THE SAME MOMENT! – this seemed to me much worse than dying so I had to ask why.
– BECAUSE THE ATHEIST DO NOT BELIEVE IN A LIFE AFTER DEATH, AND EVERYONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIS OWN OPINION. WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A FREE DEMOCRATIC SOCIETY HERE, YOU KNOW?
– Yeah, it’s O.K. – I said – And what about the other… like Krishna followers…
– THEY REINCARNATE INTO THE OTHER LIFE FORMS, FROM VIRUSES TO WHALES. THE AGNOSTICS ARE ATTENDING INTENSIVE AND OPEN PHILOSOPHY LECTURES, AND PRAXIS IN A SCIENCE LABORATORIES. THE AMERICAN INDIANS GO TO THE ETERNAL HUNT-LANDS. THE ESKIMOS GO… WELL, I DON’T KNOW WERE THE ESKIMOS GO, BUT THERE ARE FORMS AND TABLES FOR… FOR THAT MATTERS. EVERYONE GOES WERE HE’S SUPPOSED TO GO, DON’T YOU WORRY. SO?
– Can I consider this for a while? – maybe I was getting boring, but my final destiny was on stake. With Her free left hand, Death started to rub Her head.
– You know, those advertising agencies are all over me, then – here is this whole a new ambient, and considering all that…
– WELL, O.K. THEN. YOU HAVE TWO DAYS! – said Death and looked at Her hand-watch, which gesture seemed strange to me; but, who am I to question the Death’s decisions?
That’s very nice, I said to myself. As soon as I get some time available, I’m going to look up some literature to find out which religions has the most convenient posthumous options… I could even hire a legal councilor about this matter.
– THE SECOND QUESTION: DO YOU WANT TO GO BACK ON EARTH?
– Is that possible? – I was surprised – Should I win first – some game, or some sports, or anything like that?
– WHAT? – Death seemed quite shocked by the conversation’s development.
– Well, lets say – a billiard, or a table tennis, for example. – who knows where from the table tennis idea came to me… True, when I was much younger, I played a lot of table tennis, so now I get this strange ideas.
– RUBBISH! – said Death complaining – WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?
– Well, I read it somewhere, I think it was a science fiction novel, or a film maybe…
– RUBBISH! – Death repeated. With whole Her appearance seemed like “Oh, what else I would hear”-statement, which could be taken as an insult on my behalf, but I took no grudge.
– WE’RE OVERCROWDED LATELY, ESPECIALLY IN HELL. DEVIL SAYS THERE SO MANY, THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN BREATHE THERE – BUT, I SAY TO HIM THAT THE TEMPERATURE IS BOUND TO BE THE REASON.
– Didn’t He get used to the temperature by now? – I wondered.
– MAYBE YOUR THINKING IS CORRECT. – She said after She gave me a stupid look – ANYWAY, IF YOU WANT TO, WE CAN GIVE YOU A COMPLETELY NEW IDENTITY AT ANY PLACE AND TIME YOU WISH, BUT NOT BEFORE CHRIST’S DEATH BECAUSE HE’S A LITTLE PARANOID. YOU KNOW, HE FEARS THAT SOMEONE MAY GET THE IDEA TO CHANGE THE HISTORY, SO BY ANY CHANCE THAT SOMEONE MAY OBSTRUCT HIS RESURRECTION, OR SOMETHING… – here, Death took a break.

AuthorGoran M. Petrov
2018-08-21T17:24:02+00:00 October 1st, 1998|Categories: Prose, Blesok no. 05, Literature|0 Comments