Translated by: Elizabeta Bakovska
I watched again that movie to remember you. To be able to write again. Every time I finish what I write feels like the last one, like I would not be able to do it again. To be able to write about Chan, I had to remember you.
It’s probably like that because I had fallen in love with Chan while I loved you. She had already changed her name to Cat Power and she had conquered American cities, madness, death, roads, relationship with Callahan behind her, and it was yet to be survived. I am sure even now which one of that was madder those days, nor whose music I like more.
And yet I learned that you cannot bid farewell to those who mean something in your life. But you can leave. Turn around and leave. As we all had to do it at least once in our lives. As it has been done to has.
At that moment one is not aware that there is no choice, and the pain is unbearable, just as the illusion of the twenty-year old dreams is endless. And we have all wanted to be famous for something. Our greatness would be immeasurable, and our dreams firmly pressed in our palms, so that they do not escape.