Start without me

First of all you’d spoil your breakfast
you could miss some of those
so-called life changing shows
you’d probably get out of home in clothes
that are not on the meteorologist lists
you’d come to work completely unprepared
you could not get involved in the chat
you could miss the death of someone you know
or God forbid some seasonal discount
you’d miss learning something new from
crossword puzzles
not to read the papers would be an awful thing
you’d not have anything to put on the floor when the painters
present their circus skills
you’d die of boredom on the toilet seat
(it would probably have a bad influence on your marriage)
your apolitical views would become absurd
you could not treat the celebrities and
Hollywood stars as your relatives or neighbours
you would not save a lot of money although
it is not really a small item on the family budget
if you didn’t read the papers you’d probably watch TV
and you could not use the TV (just in case) for sure
to wipe off your ass